Just rub some dirt in it...

By: ASHLEIGH PRELESNIK, LLMSW

Take a moment to think back to when you were a kid. When you fell down, did anyone ever clap for you to stop you from crying? Did someone ever say to you “stop crying, you’re fine.” or maybe you heard “just rub some dirt in it!”

As adults, we want what's best for our children, so if we see them in pain we want to prevent that. But, have you actually thought about what message this sends to our children? We are telling our children that their feelings are an inconvenience to us.

Let that sink in for a moment...

We set examples through our own behavior whether it be to show children how to do things the right way or how to treat people with kindness. Yet, it feels like we are lacking in teaching them how to express their emotions. If we teach children to hide their emotions or keep their emotions to themselves, they will struggle to effectively show their emotions as adults. I’m constantly hearing my adult clients apologizing for crying in our sessions and this makes me wonder if they were told to “just rub some dirt in it?” We need to create an environment for children that is welcoming and supportive. Instead of saying “you’re okay” when a child is crying, we should be understanding and empathetic towards them in order for them to learn that their emotions ARE valid.

If you can see that someone is hurting, take the time to ACKNOWLEDGE what they may be feeling. Give them the space to express how they feel. Encourage them to lean into the emotions that are coming up in that moment. Reassure them that they are not alone. This is how we help children develop into emotionally aware adults, creating better communication in our current and future relationships.