I Hope This Helps

By: Austin Knight, MA, LLPC, TLLP

I miss yelling over strangers at bars
I miss getting cut off on my drive into work
I miss searching for the perfect parking spot at Target
I miss rushing from the office to make it home by dinner

I miss stopping for milk on the way to work
I miss avoiding eye contact with the gas station clerk
I miss showing up fifteen minutes late to meet a friend
I miss forgetting my phone in the car and going back out for it again

I miss going through periods of missing home
Day dreaming about what I would do with my free time
Savoring every second spent on my couch
And now my dining room has become a makeshift breakroom
The couch is the hallway into work, and my upstairs is an office

No longer are the barrier between Here and There in existence
I am now always Here and always There, unable to be Gone or Home
Because Gone and Home is Here and There, and at times I am Both
At times I am Neither
And at times I want to Go

But there is nowhere to go
Nowhere to Hide
The Darkness hides in lungs and on children’s bikes
It rides on the backs hands and empty bus seats
So I stay Here, and also There
I exist in Both, I exist in Neither

I lay my head down in Your arms
I lay my heart down on Yours
I lay my soul down on the chaise
And I let myself be Neither, and let You make Us Both