Eric Moussambani & Finding Freedom in Last Place
By: Peter Cappon, MA, LLPC
On September 19, 2000, Eric Moussambani gained a lot of attention for his participation in a swimming race, but it wasn’t his speed that caught people’s eye. In an unexpected twist, it was the uncanny slowness of his pace that onlookers admired. Although some critics considered Eric’s performance as an example of a great Olympic failure, many people loved him because of it. I think it’s because Eric was free in a way we all desire for ourselves.
Eric’s Olympic heat in the 100m freestyle was an incredibly slow time of 1 minute 52.72 seconds. To put that time into perspective, a new WR was set that year at 47.84 seconds which is well over two times faster than Eric’s time. Yet, if I had the choice, I would choose to have whatever Eric had inside of him during the competition rather than the gold medal in the hands of the record-setter that year. Eric's slowness carried with it more freedom than the pursuit of a gold medal could ever provide.
Throughout my life, I have often been more drawn to activities that I’m naturally good at. I feel better about myself when I perform well. That can be great because I get a sense of confidence that can carry over into other aspects of my life. To some degree, I need enough moments of success to draw confidence from to help me move forward. But while I appreciate that I’ve had those experiences, I wish I had more hobbies, interests, and activities that didn’t so much serve as a shallow reminder that I am in my nature “good.” I wish instead I believed that who I am already is good regardless of success or failure, and my interests could connect me more to myself, to others, and to meaning. To put it another way, I desire more and more freedom to be me rather than who I expect the world wants me to be.
I recently started jogging more regularly and confirmed what I already knew to be true: I’m not a very fast long-distance runner. In fact, I’m pretty bad at it compared to other types of physical activity. So why do I keep doing it?
When I can set aside short-lived fantasies of gold medals and let go of self-consciousness regarding my performance or what I look like, I’ve discovered I actually really like it. I like jogging for its convenience, for being outside, fresh air, feeling all of the natural elements, being attuned to my body’s motions and limitations, breathing heavily, and taking responsibility for my health. I feel connected to my family while I set out to run and as I care for my well being, increase the odds that I can be present with my kids, and maintain health for a longer lifetime. I also feel connected to my late father who was a dedicated runner, introduced me to the sport, and was lightyears faster than I am. I could lift weights instead and be far more competitive, but that wouldn’t feel good for me in very many other ways.
Asked after the race how he felt, Eric Moussambani reflected, “I feel happy. [...] I think it was all the people getting behind me. I was really, really proud. It’s still a great feeling for me and I loved when everyone applauded me at the end.”
Eric swam because he felt proud to be himself and received the attention and support of others even though he was “bad” at it. I think the reason people supported Eric so passionately is that those of us who watched him knew he had something no other athlete had, and in spite of all the medals being passed out, we all wanted what he had most of all. Eric’s freedom in the world was beautiful and contagious. I know I need more of that in my life. If you could do more of anything regardless of how successful you would be, what would you do? What gives you life, connection, or meaning? What activity sweeps you away and causes you to lose yourself or lose track of time? For the sake of your own felt freedom in the world, that may be just the thing you need more of in your life.