7 Things That Your Therapist Wants You To Know
By: HEATHER NITZKI, MS, LLMFT
We do not have all of the answers, but we are trying our best.
Believe it or not, we clinicians do not have all of the answers, both personally and professionally. I’ll be the first to say that despite my knowledge of family systems and relationship patterns, I still face my fair share of struggles and difficulties caused by being in any type of relationship with others. We are not exempt from the struggles and difficulties associated with creating and maintaining connections.
2. We really do care about you
Here’s the thing – There seems to be some sort of myth that therapists do not actually care about their clients or only care because they’re paid to do so. Or that they can easily separate work and home and remain entirely unaffected. I can’t speak for every other clinician, but if I’m speaking for myself, then that is definitely not the case. I care so much for each of my clients that I do think about them, even when we’re not in session. I genuinely want the best for each and every one of them.
3. Some sessions may feel like we’re “just talking”
As counterintuitive as this seems, it’s the reality. Not every session will feel like you’re having big insights or gaining new perspectives. Sometimes sessions may feel like you’re literally just getting words out of your mouth. That’s totally normal. Now if every session is starting to feel that way, then that’s a totally different conversation, but occasional sessions like that are just a part of the process.
4. We want you to fight with us
I’m the kind of person that believes that our most difficult moments are the ones that provide us with the most opportunities to grow and improve ourselves. I feel the same about conflict, especially in a therapeutic sense. If something is bothering you or on your mind, please let us know. That conversation can provide us with vital information that might be related to why you’re attending therapy in the first place, but it can also lead you to have your needs better met. We’re trying our best, and we often don’t know that something isn’t working unless you tell us.
5. We know that our fees are high
Yes, we are well aware of the fact that $150 a session is a lot to pay. We honestly wish mental health was just as affordable as you do, trust me. But, with that being said, there is a lot more than your $150 goes towards than just your 50-minute session. I’m sure your therapist would be willing to get into more of the specifics on that if you actually wanted to know.
6. Our theories guide us, but real change comes from the therapeutic relationship
Yep, you heard me -- Worksheets, tools, and techniques can be useful to some degree, but the real power is in the relationship between you and your therapist. When I think back to different therapists that I’ve had in the past, I remember little to none of what we talked about, but I remember exactly how I felt when I had sessions with them. I remember the warmth, trust, and support that I received, not which activity or exercise we did. Real change comes from the genuine safety and support that you feel when just authentically existing with another human.
7. We are SO proud of you
Therapy is freaking hard. It just is. It isn’t easy to show up every week consistently, to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and another human being, to examine your internal beliefs and challenge your own thoughts, to break intergenerational patterns, and to explore and express painful emotions. None of that is easy. Even if you feel like no one else is in your corner cheering you on throughout this difficult and seemingly never-ending process, I guarantee that your therapist is. We know that none of this is easy, but we really are so proud of you.