The Kids Are Not Okay
I write this blog post when we are all still processing another school shooting here in the United States- double digits for the year. I write this blog post after I see a PSA about student-athletes completing suicide being on the rise, again. I write this blog post after reading an email from a teenager pleading with me to start counseling services in person after being burnout from years of virtual school during the two years of the pandemic. The kids are not okay.
Suffice it to say, the two years have been tough for most everyone on a global scale. From my perspective the ones who struggled the most and were most oftentimes overlooked are teenagers. Adolescence is the time in life when you are already trying to figure out so much. The time when you start to develop an identity, asking questions about who you are, and what you might like or dislike. The time where the most asked question is “what are you going to do next?” Expectation and judgment are the names of the game. Whether it’s the clothes that you wear in school or the grades you receive that never seem to be enough, to make X honor roll, or to get into the dream school - the list goes on. When the mix of expectation and judgment are present, overwhelm, anxiety, and perhaps even depression are there to follow. The kids are not okay.
The adults and parents always say to me “well if social media wasn’t the way it was, these things never would have happened.” Maybe. But what DOES social media provide for our teens that they are so drawn to? A place to be themselves? A place to explore? A place to speak and be heard? Yes, social media can have a devastating impact, but it can also be a lot of other things for our teens too. Perhaps, there is something there we can learn to provide for our teens. We, as adults, have a chance to create a space for our kids to be better and more intentional than social media could ever provide. This is why I propose these questions when trying to make a space for our teenagers.
What do you already know about X? In a world dominated by quick and easy access to information, our teenagers already know a lot more than we think that they do. Ask them what they know! Ask what they want to know more about. And if you don’t know the answer to the questions they have asked, don’t lie. Find the answer together. Create a safe space for curiosity and exploration.
What do you need to X? Part of developing identity is finding and building your own autonomy. Teenagers are resourceful. If they want to better their mental health, they might already know what they need, they just don’t know how to fulfill that need.
How can I support you through X as your parent/guardian/sibling/mentor/coach/friend? In my experience, teenagers don’t want you to fix things for them (developing autonomy), they just want to be listened to, to be heard, and to know that they aren’t alone in that thing. Ask them what you can do for them during this time.
More important than these couple of questions, we as adults get to model for our teenagers. We get to teach them how to ask for help by asking for our own help. We get a chance to show them that going to therapy is a really GOOD thing when we too, go to therapy. We get to show them how to talk about feelings by talking about our own feelings. We have a real opportunity to teach teenagers that failure, setback, disappointment, or embarrassment don’t have to be the end of something but rather an obstacle to be hurdled before accomplishment and success. The kids may not be okay but we can help them to know that they are loved, they belong, and they matter.